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Satine

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(Died today, Gone tomorrow)

[23 May 2004|01:58pm]
[ mood | awake ]

www.livejournal.com/~fooltobelieve





Yes the name is from Moulin Rouge. But that's the only thing i swear! I've already added a few people, but again comment to be added.

(10 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Just because I rock, doesn't mean I'm made out of stone* [30 Apr 2004|11:20am]
[ mood | enraged ]






Now is the time to find out who I can trust and who I can't. I know not many people will comment. But the one's that do will be added. That's if I think I can trust them.

(11 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*You've got a friend in me* [29 Apr 2004|02:24pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

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You can think of people as friends, they can call you friends. But they are just words, they dont mean a thing. They dont love you, or feel anything for you. They just say stuff and make it out like they are your friends, b'cos they want something off you. I'm not the only one that feels this way.

(Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*And I'm hunting after you* [27 Apr 2004|04:15pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

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(6 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Please. Please tell me now. Is there something I should know? Is there something i should say?* [25 Apr 2004|02:59pm]
[ mood | bored ]







she's going to bloody kill me, but i put it b'cos i love her :D
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(2 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

* I simply cannot do it alone!* [25 Apr 2004|01:24pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

Well i dont think my mum is too pleased with me. She has seen what is on my neck. She was really pissed off with me last night. I was shocked when my dad dint get that annoyed. He simply said "She's growing up." I thought he'd be worst than my mum.
Any way she had a little talk to me this moring. Saying that i can talk to her about anything...blah blah blah....she's a friend not just my mum.....blah blah blah. then she asked me another question. "Have you been dabbling?" WTF?!?! I answered honestly and everything is fine now. she's still a little annoyed with my neck thogh. which is quite understandable.
Anyway, all is ok now. Just that my family keep making a big deal about it. I'm sure I'll live though.
WEll i dont know what I'm doing today. I have just finished watching Kill Bill Volume 1. A fucking brilliant film! I have been watching films and extras since half 7 this moring.
I love the summer and everything, the nice warm weather. But i hate the birds singing at half 7 in the morning. I like to have a sleep in on a Sunday.
It's not as warm today as it was yesterday. I'm actually quite cold.
Oh well I feel quite jolly today. Way better than i did yesterday.
I'm off now, I'll love you ♥ and leave you ♥

(2 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Who said that Murders not an art?* [24 Apr 2004|02:14pm]
[ mood | numb ]

I can honestly say i hate today so far. For many reason's not just the one.
Just gonna stay in today, thinking about cleaning my room, and moving my posters around. since there are so many of them. I probably wont even end up doing that. I'll most likely stay in the computer all day, being bored out of my head. That's usually what happens any way.
I have cut my leg, by accident. From having a shower, now there is blood on my bed.....great! i havent even dried my hair, and it's going really horrible. I havent even put any make-up on. that's how shit and lazy i feel right now. Normally that's one of the first things i do when i get out of the shower. I dont even think I'm gonna do my make-up today. there's no point really.
Well this entry is basically just a big moan about nothing at all. Just like all my others realyl then. Especially when I'm in this kind of mood.
any way bye ♥

(Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*I was made for locing you baby, you were made for loving me* [23 Apr 2004|04:51pm]
[ mood | calm ]

God it's been warm today, and it doesnt help when school decided to but radiators on FULL! What were they thinking?!
Dunno what I'm doing tonight, just want to stay in and watch a film. I have two DVD's i need to watch. I cant be arsed going out, i have been so tired lately. I dont know why though, I've been sleeping alirght. Not been getting up as much in the middle of the night as i normally do.
My fingers are all green. Thanks Kev, think i'm turning into you. that's what you get when you spunk all over me!!
School has been so crap today. I havent even done any work. I've done all my coursework in all my lessons, so there's nothing left for me to do. It's bloody gay. I was sat doing nothing in IT, childcare, German, Foundation. I dint even go to Drama, went to link centre with Nicole and Rhea instead. Just sat there writing a few poems.
I think there is something seriously wrong with me. I'm not right in the head. I dunno what it is exactly, i bet others have noticed it.If not, then just ignore me.
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(Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Maybe you should, probably wont.* [22 Apr 2004|09:57pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

you can say something and those words can be forgotten. Then it seems ages till you hear those words again. You wait, and wait for those words to be spoken. For them to reach your ears. But some people can get sick of waiting. They get sick of not been told, for it not been said.

I don't think any one will understand that, and i dont really expect any one to. I just needed to get that off my chest. now i have i still feel pretty gloomy. Argh!! i dont know what's wrong with me. I can be so happy one moment, then the next i seem so miserable.
I have nothing to feel miserable about, there's no reason for me to be down. i have nearly every reason to be happy and always have a smile on my face.
I am so fucking ungreatful!

(Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*When our lips first met, you didnt get the hang of it* [21 Apr 2004|09:37pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

I hate been in a bad mood, or not feeling myself. I feel helpless for myself. And i must seem so pathetic. That what i have been really.....pathetic.
Some one tells me the nicest thing that you can be told. Then i go and turn miserable, for reason that only i know about. I do something really stupid, which i swear I shall never do again. Then finally i hurt someone I care about.....What kind of person am i ?
Any way, to the point of this journal entry!
Some days start off totally shit. Then you end up feeling on top of the world. And nothing is going to bring you down.
That's how i am right now, i feel high...but yet I'm not. I have the biggest smile on my face. Yet i still have all the confussed feelings inside. But I have forgot about them for one night. Hopefully the rest of the week too.
Some one has just told me something, which has mad me laugh so much. I'll just say neck...hehe!
God i am so much happier now. I'm in such a loving and happy mood. As i keep saying.
Grrrrr...I'm just repeating myself now, so i shall just go. But before i go, i love the following people:
♥ Lee ♥
♥ Nicole ♥
♥ Lauren ♥
♥ Boston ♥
♥ Carly ♥
♥ Mark ♥
♥ Danny ♥
♥ Kev ♥
♥ Louise ♥
♥ Heslop ♥
♥ Becki ♥
♥ Mel ♥

Wish i could say i love more people, but some people hate me...so why bother still loving them. there's just no sense in that really.
Any way i am really off now
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

(2 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Please believe me when i say... I LOVE YOU!* [20 Apr 2004|08:51pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.

Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

(Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Have you come to kill What's left of my smile?!* [20 Apr 2004|05:32pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Hmm....i am so nervous at the moment, i'm shaking like mad. i dont know what to expect or anything, and i hate the thought of that.... eek >.<
Today has been rather pointless. I wouldnt have been if i hit Kirsty. Calling me a liar and saying i mix it all. who the fuck does she think she is. she asked me a question, i gave her a truthful answer. If she didnt like it, then it's not my bloody fault! I didnt mix anything !!
Hmm....that's out of my way now. Not going to waster any more space moaning about that stupid cow!
my stomach doesnt feel too good.....awwwww, perfect timing as usual GRRRRR!!!
Well I'm gonna go now, nowt else to say really.

Love you all
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(Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Leaves you answered with a question mark* [19 Apr 2004|10:17pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I want things how they used to be. Not exactly, since i wouldnt be with Lee. But i want people how they used to be, the way they were with me. I dunno if it makes sense, but i know what I'm on about.
I talked to Boston tonight, for like 5 mins. But it did help me realise something. I do want to put it behind me now. Say it's in the pst and just talk. Dont know if that will happen anytime soon. But it's almost been like 2 months. That's felt like half a bloody year to me.
I'm making no sense really, but i know what i'm on about. that's all that counts really.
Hmmm......for some strange reason i have too marks on my neck. I have no idea what they are from.....*thinks* (hehe)
Anyway, i really should be off to bed. I need to get up early to wash my stupid pathetic hair

(2 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*I'm going to be a celebrity, that means some body everyone knows* [17 Apr 2004|11:21am]
[ mood | content ]

I hate it when I'm woken up. People in this house just dont respect each other....it does my head in. All i wanted was a good lie in, to get up around 12 or something. But no i had to be woken up around half 8!
My arms hurt from yesterday, doing all that hard work and heavy lifting. My hands are really sore. I know I'm a sissy, but I'm only an ickle girl, it was really hard work for me. Lifting 100 slabs from my front garden to the back. Plus i dropped four on my fingers. That really did bloody hurt.
hmmmm....dont know what I'm doing today. I hate not knowing what I'm doing, but i also hate making plans. Tch...I'm gay! I just dont want to be stuck at home all day, it sucks. All i do is stay on the computer, listen to music and write more shitty poems. Where is the fun in that ?!


 

(22 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Nicole: "Omg! That birds been run over!" Me: "No it's just have a good fuck!"* [16 Apr 2004|12:56pm]
[ mood | bored ]

       Happy Birthday Mel !!

Today looks totally miserable, with the bad weather and everything. You think since it's Mel's birthday that it would be really sunny, since she brightens everything up.

It really doesnt feel like a Friday. I thought it was Saturday when i woke up this morning. This week has gone really quick, which is a bitch!
Well i went to the dentist yesterday, now i have to wear stupid retainers. They are doing my head in. I just had to ruddy clean em, with took my 10 mins. They bloody stink. I'm not wearing these for a straight 3 months. It looks stupid when i take them out to eat. Looks like I'm taking a false took out.
Well I'm really bored, so I'm gonna go and think of something to do.

(4 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Love stinks* [15 Apr 2004|10:46pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

PEOPLE = WANKERS
                     TWATS
                     PRICKS
                     BASTARDS
                     CUNTS    (sorry Nicole)
                     ARSEHOLES
                     FUCKERS

people are only nice to you, if your nice to them. And what is the point really? They are going to fuck you up in the end any way!

(2 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*What's the big deal? I'm an Animal!* [13 Apr 2004|11:46am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Easter was shit as usual, i dont see the point in it myself. Big deal, we all get chocolate!
I have this feeling strong feeling inside of me. But I'm really frightened to let it out into the open! I just dont want to ruin it, like i have done so many times before. I just want things to go right this time, and so far they are. So what's the point in ruining that ?!
Well i havent really been feeling that well lately, sicne I had to be born a bloody girl!! Things seem to be alright today though, so all is good at the moment!
Well at the moment I'm talking to Lee and who Lauren. I love both of them to death, *hug&kisses*. they are both great people. One of them has just put a great big smile on my face, but i wont say which one......b'cos i cant!
I havent really been sleeping well at the moment, and i think it shows on my face. I've just been thinking way too much, and my feelings and the people around me. I've wrote so many poems. I was up from 3am the other day, just writing. I cant help in, i have all these mixed emotions inside of me and i need to get them out some way.
eek.... i have this really strong feeling inside and it needs to be realised. But I'm too scared, really REALLY scared. I shall find some courage inside of me, hopefully!
hmmm.....any way, think i shall go now, even though i have nothing to do at all!

(Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Wrapped in the warmth of you, Loving every breath of you* [12 Apr 2004|12:54pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Well i have really enjoyed this weekend, to say havent really done that much.
I'm in the best mood, kinda. Life is good at the moment, if i ignore the negative voices in my head!
No but Life is really good. For many reasons, I'm just really happy with everything. things seem to be going right for a change. Hopefully things will just get better.
Sort update, just wanted to inform people that I'm really happy !

(4 deaths | Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*Wish I could take you by the hand* [09 Apr 2004|07:45pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I ____ Becky.
Becky is ____.
If I were alone in a room with Becky, I would _______.
I think Becky should _____.
Becky needs ______.
I want to ____________ Becky.
Someday Becky will ________.
Becky reminds me of _______.
Without Becky _______.
Memories of Becky are ________.
Becky can be __________.
__________ is how I describe meeting Becky.
Worst thing about Becky is _________.
Best thing about Becky is _________.
I am ________ with Becky.


Fill it out, It's meant to be fun :P
Plus I'm bored and I needed something to do. So yeah, please fill it in. pretty please, there's sex invovled for the people that do ;)

(Died today, Gone tomorrow)

*I was a fool to believe* [09 Apr 2004|04:04pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

Well it was the last day of the Leeds Children and young people's film festival today. Watched another load of short films. They were pretty good today. Wortley High School was on one of them. I was like "I go there, Yes me". Then i got aload of really weird looks, hehe.
I did my lil speach thing, wasnt that bad really. I was a lil scared before going infront of everyone. But I'm a man, so i just got on with it.
Quite bored now, and I feel quite dizzy.
Me mum took me shopping this morning. I got some new Jeans, sicne she said i needed some badly. I wasnt complaining... :). She also got me a sexual new bra, it's well nice. Looks a lil too big for me though. Went round town with her for a while, to help her with the shopping. Went into the butchers, and this boy wouldnt stop staring at me. I felt so awkward. Then he kept saying stuff to these other guys. I was like "get me outta here!!"
I'm really pissed off with me dad at the moment. He's only taped over one of my films. He's taped over Tweleve Monkeys.It may not be the best film, but he still shouldnt have taped over it, and with the Rugby as well. I mean it's not like i want to watch that again, we got beat by shitty Leeds Rhinos. It also cleary says on the side that Tweleve Monkeys is on it. He also didnt even fucking ask me. It's alright him saying he'll tape it again for me when it comes on. But i dont know the next time it's gonna bloody come on. Could be fucking ages!
I may be over reacting, but it's not the forst time he's done it. Plus it cleary says on the side what's on the tape. Plus there are plenty of empty tapes around the house, he just couldnt be arsed using one of them!

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